890 million people visit Facebook every day and you can bet most of your friends and family are among them. And having so many people at one place by definition means this is not the coolest spot in the virtual world.
After all, this is a place to communicate. And let’s ve honest about it – the communication would only benefit from a little improvement. I know it for sure because Facebook is my daily hub for gossip, rants, jokes and outright slander. I make gross suggestions, based on poor knowledge of the subject. I scan like a robot for updates showing that my circle of friends collectively grows older. I even may shred a tear if I see a little bit of the tragic inner self of a “friend”.
It is 2015 and we are all our own PR managers. And since Facebook is eleven years old already, we are obviously no good at it. You want a proof? Here are the most irritating things possible to make people hate you in Facebook. Hold on, my friends – I know you do most of them anyway!
1. Take part in a heated political debate
If you meet someone on the street preaching on a political topic you will most likely turn around an go the other way. But why is this not the case in Facebook? You should have something in mind – nobody posts a political opinion on his wall to start a reasonable, balanced discussion. There is no point to start a commentary war just because you imagine you can change your opponent’s point of view – you cannot. It is like talking to a wall, trying to convince it that it is not on the right place.
2. Post the same picture 967 times
Oh, that romantic sunset on the beach looks stunning! Where did you take it? I really loved seeing it… for ten seconds. That’s about it. Post it once again and you are just pushing your luck. Post it ten times and I will hate your virtual presence as long as the social media exist. Or as a Pulitzer-winning photographer put it: “I hate it when people post ten pictures of their cat when one is just enough.” Tone it down, OK?
3. Make a solemn statement about an important event in your life
People get promoted. Or married. Or have children. And there is nothing wrong to share your excitement about these important moments with your social circle. Be careful how you do it, though. One sentence and a picture is just enough. Do not try to sound like a soap opera character or the UN Secretary General. “I start a new job”, “We are having a baby!” – isn’t that much sweeter than “It is with great joy that I want to inform you” – you will not only sound ridiculous, but irritate all your friends as well.
4. Show off how fit you are
There is hardly anything more irritating than people showing off how perfectly fit they are. You post a picture of your abs and you expect… What exactly?! Admiration? Congratulations? The attention you never got from your parents as a kid? This is the number one thing to post to provoke mockery and disdain. Just saying.
5. Reminding everyone how strong and fullfilling your relationship is
It is true that when you are in love your brain loses its logical capacity. But hundreds of surveys show unanimously that everybody hates happy couples.
And what happens if your perfect love turns out to be just another one-month detour? You would need all the friends you can find – if you haven’t putt off all of them with your romantic, teary nonsense.
6. Posting too many jabs at someone you dislike
There is no better way to encourage gossip than starting a fight with your ex or having a rant on a colleague. Really, what do you think you achieve with this? You will just become the talk of your social circle and most people will laugh behind your back.
7. Spam all your friends with game requests
Games like Candy Crush and FarmVille are the closest legal thing to an online virus. Start playing one of these and they will use any opportunity to spam high-school class mates, past colleagues and distant relatives you have added as friends.
If you need some distraction and you find it in Facebook games just keep that to yourself. Not everybody is amused at online farming or shooting bubbles. Get a life, won’t you!
8. Send random messages to people from your past
Let’s say you were close friends with someone in high school or a colleague from your previous job. Facebook gives you the opportunity to connect and communicate with them on a daily basis.
But before you do, consider this – do you have anything in common now, ten or fifteen years after you last met? Is there anything meaningful to talk about? On a scale from 1 to 10, would you start a random conversation with this person on the street or just say hello? Yeah, I thought so.
9. Like the profile picture of a person that was taken four years ago
Unless you are hopelessly in love with someone and you check their profile every day (which is kind of creepy, isn’t it?) just don’t like every picture on this person’s profile. If the photo was taken years ago there is no way it ended up in your news feed. No, every Facebook user with minimum level of experience would understand you checked their entire profile. Some people pay consider it sweet. 99% would think it is irritating.
10. Take part in some activity that requires challenging other people to participate
Three words: Ice Bucket Challenge. Just don’t do it. Most of your friends would hate you for putting them in the spotlight for something they consider idiotic.